so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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