i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
