i just wanna soil my oats bro
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
