see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm at about main and main street
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
