did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize