after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
