chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
