it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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