Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
