Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
