I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
