hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
