So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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