Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
