I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize