I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
