Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
