oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
