I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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