They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
