You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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