we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
