You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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