hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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