last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
