dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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