How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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