So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
