My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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