You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
