i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
