yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
