I can text with my tongue
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
