I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
