Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
