I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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