did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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