I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
