YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
