No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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