someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
