What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
