Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
