Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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