he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your cock deserves a montage
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
