I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
