I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
