This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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