I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize