she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
