I haven't been this sober since birth.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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