I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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