never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
