This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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