VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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