You just made me feel so damn special
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
