...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
