i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize