I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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