Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
