Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
