Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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